so here's what you missed

i'm sorry that i haven't loaded anymore stock but maybe this epically long post will explain it all ... also i'm going to upload stuff as ive got a long weekend from work so please read this journal just to feel wonderfully good that as unimportant as this problem is to every one but me ... a problem shared is a problem blasted over the internet in a modern age where nothign is private

So if you want to read this and comment, I have a feeling it's going to be mainly full of sex, men and work related stresses please feel free...

I'd just been texting my ex this morning and trying to meet up. It may seem a little pathetic, as many people have said to me that 'an ex is an for a reason'. Maybe they're right but I don't think the reason we broke up exists anymore. He was going to move to a different city, and sighted 'not wanting to hurt me anymore than he already had' as the main reason why we split. it was a few days before Christmas, December 18th exactly, and about midnight. I was watching Supernatural. Of course it turns out that the 'small possiblity' of him staying actually happened, hence the situation we now find ourselves in.

thing is, he's lovely, he means a lot to me and as flawed as he is i can't really imagine anyone better then him. it's like he's perfectly chalk to my cheese. somehow it worked while we were together.

This is our history:

we met in a nightclub. I'd just a few hours previous broke up with a rather crap boyfriend and feeling a little bit down had begrudgingly gone out with my friends. I remember sitting on her bed crying, before steadying myself fixing the makeup and getting into the taxi.
I'd met him once before, but we hadn't spoken, and  given the passive aggressive mood i was in, a table full of people i didn't know well was not what i wanted. still i had persevered and had tried to make conversation.

It was a little later, when we'd gone to the night club, an alternative club, when the girls went off dancing, and had left me stood with the lads. he offered me a drink, and we started talking. The conversation was the normal stuff, what did you do, a little history and a few funny stories. I randomly tied a ribbon round his finger (it had come off my bracelet) and he didn't bat an eyelid.

He asked if i smoked, i said no, and he said he wanted me to come outside with him. So i did, we carried on our conversation and ended up staying out there for a while because several times my friends (well our friends) came to look for us. Neither one of us being particularly trusted to behave by our respective friends.

Eventually we went back in the club, and that's when he kissed me. I guess from there is pretty much the entire night kissing him. and he asked for number and the rest is history of dating, watching films and staying round his.

Now if you followed that and are still reading thank you so much

i sent him a text yesterday that was asking if he wanted to come and see me... however he text back today saying :hi sorry i'm working till 10 tonight, y did you want me to come over?

at that point i felt sick as clearly he doesn't want to meet up with me and doesn't care...

or i'm over reacting ... i can't tell anymore

but surely if he was going to meet me he wouldn't ask why?